And that’s a wrap on 2023. What a(n underwhelming) year!

I won’t lie: I feel there were fewer films to get excited about over the last 12 months than we’ve come to expect recently (2020 notwithstanding), but a select few did manage to find a place in my heart.

Here you’ll find all 30 (new) films I watched in 2023, ranked from worst to best, as well as the latest round of Cool Stuff Awards – a long-held tradition that honours my favourite (and most despised) films and performances of the year.

Check out the awards archive for more on its rich history or previous rankings (listed below) for a trip down memory lane. Without further ado, let’s find out who comes out on top this time…

PREVIOUS YEARS

Ranked Worst to Best: 2022 Movies
Ranked Worst to Best: 2021 Movies
Ranked Worst to Best: 2019 Movies
Ranked Worst to Best: 2018 Movies
Cool Stuff Awards Archive

THE WORST

30. Renfield

Worst Picture
Worst Lead Performance: Nicholas Hoult
Worst Screenplay: Ryan Ridley

I sometimes need reminding that Nicolas Cage being wacky does not a movie make. This was one such occasion. Renfield proved a bitter slog to finish, which is kind of impressive considering it barely tops 90 minutes. I chalk a lot of that up to Ryan Ridley’s dismal screenplay, saddled with flat jokes, thin plot and weak characters.

Nicholas Hoult is usually a watchable talent, at least – he starred in last year’s Valerian Prize winner The Menu, as the world no doubt remembers – but whatever he was doing here really failed to register. Let’s hope he has more luck as Lex Luthor (in James Gunn’s Superman: Legacy) or we could have another Eisenberg situation on our hands.

29. The Last Kingdom: Seven Kings Must Die

I hesitated about including this here as it felt less like a film and more like a feature-length episode of The Last Kingdom – that was, in fact, one of the main problems with it. Martha Hillier’s script attempts to adapt the final three novels in Bernard Cornwell’s saga with neither the time nor the money to do them justice.

Seven Kings Must Die will certainly be remembered as an unnecessary epilogue to a show that was already past its prime when it ended. However, its crimes aren’t egregious enough to warrant uncool stuff awards as die-hard fans can easily omit this from future rewatches – and everyone else can simply forget it exists.

28. Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania

Worst Director: Peyton Reed
Worst Producer: Kevin Feige

I thought we’d hit rock bottom with the likes of Eternals and Thor: Love and Thunder, but Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania proved we can always sink further as the MCU self-destructs. Some fans argue that reports of its death have been greatly exaggerated, but I find it hard to believe it can claw back the same loyalty it once enjoyed after so many grave missteps – this dud among them.

For his reckless expansion of the franchise in a manner which has left it in ruin, the once-untouchable Kevin Feige is this year’s worst producer. And for being one of the few MCU filmmakers to complete a trilogy (whilst failing to do anything at all interesting with it), Peyton Reed takes the directing dishonour. Would things have been different if Edgar Wright had stayed on? I suppose it doesn’t matter now.

27. Blue Beetle

Worst Supporting Performance: Susan Sarandon

Admittedly, an uncomfortably long plane journey isn’t an ideal environment to try out a new film, but I think I would have left Blue Beetle similarly unenthused even if I had seen it in the cinema. Why? This is the most predictable movie I have possibly ever seen. Charitably, it has been described as “derivative” in some reviews, but that doesn’t really capture how utterly lazy it is.

Its adherence to the tired superhero origin formula is made worse by how entire scenes feel ripped from other movies, including entries in this very iteration of the DC Universe. What should have been a milestone for blockbuster representation – mentioned in the same breath as Black Panther or Shang-Chi – instead feels like one of the most forgettable big-budget features in some time.

Oh yeah, and Susan Sarandon is a lame duck villain.

26. Insidious: The Red Door

I have some fondness for this franchise – particularly the first two entries – so it was exciting to hear that the original cast was reuniting a decade later to continue their characters’ journeys. It was also not strictly true.

I have a serious grievance with Rose Byrne and Lin Shaye being positioned prominently on the main promotional poster for this film (above). Their appearances are so fleeting that it borders on false advertising (in my opinion!).

Patrick Wilson and Ty Simpkins do, however, take centre-stage here for a story exploring the painful estrangement between Josh Lambert and his once-haunted son, Dalton. The former also takes the director’s chair and shows initial promise in that capacity, but eventually leans too heavily on the jump scares that mired the preceding instalment (2018’s The Last Key).

The script also falls apart towards the end, which is perhaps to be expected from screenwriter Scott Teems; himself a villain of the genre at this point after credits on Halloween Kills, Firestarter and The Exorcist: Believer. Now that’s truly chilling.

25. Megan

Another disappointing horror flick to see us out of this section, Megan (or M3gan, as it has been stylised), was enjoyable enough in the moment but left me feeling cold upon reflection.

The meme-ification of the movie did a lot to propel it to success, with the acrobatic performance of young Amie Donald being a crucial component, but there were really only a few funny moments to back up that reputation.

For the most part, this is your run-of-the-mill slasher – and you’d really expect more from the writer of Malignant. Nevertheless, I could be tempted back for one more round (currently scheduled for 2025).

PASSING GRADES

23. John Wick: Chapter 4

Most Overrated Film

22. Cocaine Bear

21. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

20. They Cloned Tyrone

19. Wonka

18. Fair Play

17. Past Lives

16. BlackBerry

15. Scream VI

Unsung Hero: Melissa Barrera

14. Polite Society

13. No Hard Feelings

12. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3

11. Evil Dead Rise

THE BEST

10. The Flash

It’s such a shame about the Ezra Miller situation as this was easily the best live-action superhero film of the year and, I suspect, it would have been received quite differently if not for the actor’s disturbing behaviour. I too thought carefully about whether to include this in my top ten on those grounds, ultimately concluding that this is the work of a large number of creatives – not one troubled person.

With that elephant acknowledged, let’s discuss two of the other elements that got everyone’s backs up. Firstly, I really don’t subscribe to the view that the CGI is that bad. It looks a bit ropey in the opening sequence, but the premise is so surreal – The Flash rescuing a group of airborne babies – that I really don’t mind. If anything, it could have looked rather morbid if rendered in photorealism.

Secondly, the cameos. It’s true that these feel a tad out of place, unnecessary and, in the case of the reanimated, not entirely tasteful. That said, it’s a very small part of a movie that is primarily character-driven so it’s regrettable that it ended up consuming so much of the discourse. For me, this was all about Barry’s journey – and Miller, for all their real-life faults, delivered a great performance in the (dual) role.

9. Saltburn

Best Lead Actor: Barry Keoghan

After narrowly missing out on a Cool Stuff Award last year (for his turn in The Banshees of Inisherin), I couldn’t resist giving Barry Keoghan the win this time around for another knockout performance.

This film is weird and, honestly, I don’t think it entirely works. You’ll have neck pain for weeks from the wild left turns in Emerald Fennell’s script, some of which are less exciting than others. But even when Saltburn is close to toppling over, it remains a mesmerising watch thanks in large part to Keoghan’s extraordinary work.

There are scenes in this movie that few actors could pull off (no pun intended), but he’s certainly one of them. Jacob Elordi, Rosamund Pike and Carey Mulligan are also delightful.

8. Joy Ride

After the one-two punch of Joy Ride and No Hard Feelings, I’m officially joining the chorus of voices calling for the return of comedy movies to cinemas (following the genre’s recent retreat to streaming). It’s disappointing, then, that the former received even less attention than the latter – but I’ll continue banging my tiny little drum for it where I can.

Fresh off her supporting role in Netflix’s stunning BEEF, Ashley Park takes the lead in the funniest (and most debauched) female-led comedy since Bridesmaids. Like that earlier film, Joy Ride explores an ageing friendship on the brink of major change – this time, between Park’s high-functioning lawyer, Audrey Sullivan, and Sherry Cola’s comparatively underachieving artist, Lolo Chen.

This film is able to achieve even greater emotionality with an aspect of literal self-discovery, as Audrey endeavours to seek out her birth mother in China (having been raised in the US by an American family). In doing so, it touches on the Asian-American experience and the cultural dissonance that can come from it, while having a ton of fun in the process. If you missed it in cinemas, I implore you to check this one out.

7. Barbie

Best Director: Greta Gerwig

In an era where the odorous ‘woke’ label can be slapped on virtually anything that isn’t dogged conservatism, it was refreshing to see a progressive, female-led film (albeit, one not immune from corporate interests) celebrated to the degree that Barbie was.

Greta Gerwig, Noah Baumbach and Margot Robbie used the titular toy brand as a trojan horse for a frank discussion of gender politics – and it resonated to the tune of $1.4 billion. If there was any need to vindicate the points raised, that ought to do it.

While it provides a valuable launchpad for serious conversations about the state of society, Barbie was also just a great time at the cinema. People of all gender identities, races and walks of life came in their droves for a pink-soaked party – in fancy dress, in large groups, and in many cases, multiple times.

The aforementioned trio, plus co-stars Ryan Gosling, Simu Liu and America Ferrera among others, delivered exactly what those crowds were so craving. Musical numbers, dance routines and gags galore make this a film you want to keep coming back to.

6. Knock at the Cabin

Best Supporting Actor: Dave Bautista
Valerian Prize for Most Underrated Film

After loving 2021’s Old (a close runner-up for that year’s Valerian Prize), I was intrigued to see what divisive director M Night Shyamalan had in store for us in his mysterious follow-up. To be honest, though, I was shocked at just how well made Knock at the Cabin was.

At this point in his career, we’ve come to expect a bit of goofiness from the filmmaker – lord knows Old had it in spades, as did Split – but that was stripped away here for a remarkably sincere and excruciatingly suspenseful adaptation of Paul G Tremblay’s hit horror novel.

Some had questioned whether the premise – a gay couple and their adopted daughter being grimly informed that one of them must die in order to prevent an apocalypse – had undertones of homophobia, evangelism or schadenfreude.

All I can say is that, as a gay man myself, I didn’t interpret it that way in the slightest. On the contrary, the relationship between Eric (Jonathan Groff) and Andrew (Ben Aldridge) is some of the best LGBTQ+ representation I’ve seen in recent mainstream cinema.

Both stars gave powerful turns, but Dave Bautista proved to be the scene stealer. I’ll admit to some earlier scepticism on whether the former wrestler had much to offer besides Drax the Destroyer, but this movie shut me up. I only wish more people had seen it.

5. Talk to Me

Best Lead Actress: Sophie Wilde

It was only as I left the cinema after watching Talk to Me that I realised the film didn’t have a single jump-scare (or at least, none that I can recall). That might seem like a trivial observation, but it’s impressive that Danny and Michael Philippou can show such restraint – in their directorial debut, no less – while still delivering the most frightening film of the year.

Talk to Me’s possession scenes, in which its ill-fated characters make contact with the great beyond via an embalmed hand of unknown origin, are instantly burned into the brain. From the the alarming physical transformation that seems to deliberately evoke a drug overdose to the disquieting ticking clock that accompanies it (no longer than 90 seconds per hit), the stakes feel incredibly high each and every time.

Sophie Wilde gives a stellar performance in the lead role of Mia, bringing humanity to a complex and flawed protagonist faced with unthinkable decisions as her life descends into nightmare. Props must also go to co-stars Zoe Terakes and Joe Bird, the latter of whom excels in some of A24’s most disturbing scenes since Hereditary.

4. Mission: Impossible — Dead Reckoning Part 1

Best Supporting Actress: Rebecca Ferguson
Best Stunt Work

The latest entry in the long-running Mission: Impossible series – supposedly the beginning of the end for Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) – lived up to the hype. This gripping spy thriller weaves an elaborate and timely story tackling the rise of artificial intelligence and the erosion of trust in the very institutions that are supposed to protect us from harm.

Dead Reckoning depicts some genuinely uncomfortable possibilities – just ask US President Joe Biden – but offsets that feeling of existential dread with the spectacular action that has become this franchise’s hallmark. The extended Rome car chase, Cruise’s jaw-dropping motorcycle stunt and the subsequent train carriage escape are all instant classics that make for truly exhilarating viewing.

There is, however, a stain on this film’s record and that is the treatment of Rebecca Ferguson’s supremely cool rogue agent Ilsa Faust, which is utterly mind-boggling and borderline offensive. She gets a Cool Stuff Award for making the absolute best of such a disappointing storyline, proving once again to be the best actor in this entire ensemble. (Apologies to Hayley Atwell, but Grace really is no substitute.)

3. Oppenheimer

Best Screenplay: Christopher Nolan

I really did not expect to like this film. In fact, fearing how dreadfully dull it could be, I put off watching it for five whole months – finally succumbing to a cheap rental in the nether zone between Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Though my 24-inch Argos own brand television is not the screen Christopher Nolan intended for his three-hour magnum opus, I was nevertheless hooked for almost the entire runtime.

I’d read in many places that Oppenheimer somehow managed to remain entertaining while ostensibly being a film about men in grey suits talking about theoretical physics – I just didn’t believe it. Nor could I fathom feeling a shred of empathy for the architect of the atomic bomb given the unimaginable suffering it has wrought and my personal belief in nuclear disarmament.

But this is a complex character study, with Nolan’s ambitious script and Cillian Murphy’s nuanced performance working brilliantly in tandem to offer a snapshot of the man behind the weapon. Emily Blunt, Robert Downey Jr, Matt Damon and even my boy – the star of Cocaine Bear – Alden Ehrenreich are also standouts in an embarrassingly stacked cast.

Nolan does an inspired job on double duty once again as both writer and director, but it’s his screenplay I wanted to pay particular tribute to – for handling a large cast, three timelines and a dense subject matter with ease. I didn’t check my phone once, which is perhaps the highest compliment that can be paid in today’s world.

2. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

Best Score: Daniel Pemberton

The pessimist in me really didn’t expect lightning to strike twice for the Spider-Verse franchise; not with the frequently inept Sony Pictures as its backer. But I was happily proven wrong with this stellar sequel, which builds on the rock solid foundation laid by the original, expanding the worlds of Miles Morales and Gwen Stacy in another chaotic yet compelling adventure.

Across the Spider-Verse was a feast for the eyes, with each character bringing their own vivid sense of style to the proceedings – from Gwen’s gloomy home universe to the outrageous entrance of Spider-Punk (voiced by one Daniel Kaluuya). It’s nothing less than an explosion of creativity – I only hope that animators didn’t have to go through hell to bring it to the screen, as some have claimed.

Shameik Moore and Hailee Steinfeld are perfect again as Miles Morales and Gwen Stacy, with the cavalcade of cameos not detracting from the core focus – their relationship and their personal journeys. On that note, the film ends on a tantalising cliffhanger, leaving real potential for this to be the greatest superhero trilogy ever put to screen. Fingers crossed.

1. Nimona

Best Motion Capture/Voice Performance: Chloë Grace Moretz
Best Picture

I had to do it. Nimona was such a pleasant surprise; a fantastic family film that very nearly didn’t see the light of day in what would have been a great injustice for modern cinema and queer folk everywhere.

After years spent boasting about pathetically half-hearted LGBTQ+ representation (in such duds as The Rise of Skywalker and Eternals), Disney certainly showed its true colours through its handling of Nimona. When the title came under their purview following that monstrous Fox acquisition, they proceeded to pull the plug on grounds that it was “too gay” to be released under their umbrella.

Fortunately, the part-finished film was plucked from the dustbin by Netflix, which thankfully got it over the line. The saga would have been shameful no matter the outcome, but the fact that Nimona is such a brilliant watch really rubs salt in the wound. (I never had a particularly rose-tinted view of the Walt Disney Company, but whatever residual post-Endgame affection has certainly been stamped out now.)

Nimona is a hilarious and heartwarming adventure, which sees the titular shapeshifter (voiced by Chloë Grace Moretz) join forces with disgraced knight Ballister Boldheart (Riz Ahmed) on a mission to clear his name after a mysterious framing. Yes, there are gay characters and themes, but they are just one part of a larger narrative set in a wonderfully rich and unique medieval-futuristic setting.

Both leads are superb, but Moretz stole my heart as mischievous pariah Nimona, giving probably her best performance since breaking through in 2010’s Kick-Ass – and that is no exaggeration. Every component of this creative team is on fire, though, from the lively direction by Nick Bruno and Troy Quane to the witty, fast-paced screenplay from Robert L Baird and Lloyd Taylor; not to mention the many talented animators who helped bring it to life.

Please watch Nimona – we need more stories like this.